Mibrofyalgia

I have 8 half finished paintings drying in my living room (my current painting space, I would dearly love a studio) so cannot work on them until tey’ve dried.  I hang them on the walls, and put them on shelves because that’s the only space I have.  It means that I’m continually looking at them in their unfinished state.  This has pros and cons, the pros are that it means I can plan what needs working on and adjusting but on the other hand it’s frustrating not being able to get on with it!  Oil paint takes days or weeks to dry depending on the conditions.

I’ve been a Christian since I was a small child.  I have struggled with it at times, I have also found great happiness and peace from it.  Especially through the hard times.  Here are a few passages that I’ve just found.

“Whatever is peaceful, lovely and good, think on these things.” (Phil. 4:8-9).

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more
than all we ask or imagine, according to his power
that is at work within us, to him be glory in the
church and in Christ Jesus throughout all
generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Ephesians 3:20-21

I’ve been drawing and painting since school, unfortunately due to various ailments I haven’t devoted as much time to it as I would have liked but I’ve enjoyed it none the less.  Here are some things I did at college before the Fibromyalgia seriously kicked in.

I thought it would be fun to move to a new site, so here it is!   I’ve decided to scan and photograph some of my older artwork (from 10 or so years ago) and post it on the site.  So here’s two to start with…

I’ve been in a cycle of doing too much then crashing into a heap of pain and fatigue.  Apparently there is another way, which is to pace oneself.  As a chaotic and impulsive person this should prove to be an interesting approach.  I’m going to try and live within my limits and not keep expecting to be able to do things just because I used to be able to.

I need to learn to enjoy the things that I do have and can do.  If I can manage to take it easier and not push beyond my limits I should in the long run, feel better and be able to do a bit more.

I’ve been having a lot of fibromyalgia pain recently and it’s wearing me down.  It’s impacting on my moods and quality of life.  I’m getting frustrated and depressed because I’m so sore and stiff.  Also I’m unable to do all the things I used to do and would like to do.  I used to be a very active person, but now I’m struggling to walk short distances due to the pain and tightness in my legs.  My hobbies of painting and playing the bass are restricted and gardening is out of the question at the moment.  I am managing to paint at the moment but it is making me so sore.  I would also love to do more than I can, I suppose I should just be grateful that I can do it at all but it’s not as easy as it sounds.  I’m having larger and longer periods of the day when I don’t actually have anything to do because I’m in too much pain to paint or play my bass.  I’m not good at being bored and un-occupied (who is?), and I’ve been racking my brain for gentle things to do when I’m unable to do much more than sit uncomfortably in a chair, but so far (after 9 or so years) I can only think of TV, which is pretty boring and not really an activity (if there’s even anything on).  I sometimes read but only when I can concentrate.  I would love to have a job but I can barely function as it is at the moment.

Moan over…

4.30am this morning and I had to get up, I was in to much pain to stay in bed.  it’s 6.10am now and I would really like to go back to bed because I’m exhausted.  Luckily I don’t have much on today but that’s not the point.  I’ve been having really vivid dreams when I am sleeping and keep waking up in between each dream, it’s exhausting.  When I wake up I feel like I’ve been beaten up in a fight, my muscles ache and I’m really stiff and sore.  This Fibromyalgia business is really beginning to pi** me off.  It’s very changeable and wears you down.  I’ve been getting very frustrated with it recently, which I actually see as a good sign because it’s better than losing hope.

Today I’ve been having an art day.  I’ve done some watercolour, acrylic and am about to get stuck into some oil painting.  I’m enjoying it but have a few frustrations, mainly that I’m in pain and that is distracting me and means that I can’t do as much as I would like, also my brain keeps switching off and feels like it is filled with molasses.  Apart from that I’m having fun and feel like I’ve achieved something.  I’ll post some of my work sometime soon…..

This is the painting I’m working on just now, it’s still a bit wet so is quite shiny in places.  I’m only managing to paint occasionally at the moment so progress is slow but it’s enjoyable.  It’s about a third done and seems as though it’s got a long way to go.

I’ve been up, down and roundabout this week, I’m all over the place.  I’m not exactly sure why or what to do about it.  I’m trying to keep on an even keel but so far not so good.

Yesterday I was feeling good, maybe a little too good, today I’m down in the dumps, who knows what tomorrow will bring.

When I’ve been feeling good (mentally and physically) I’ve been doing a little bit of oil painting and playing my bass guitar and also visiting friends.  On the not so good days I really struggle to do much but at the same time I’m desperate to do something but I’m just too sore and tired, I’m finding it incredibly frustrating (hence I keep banging on about it).

I’ve been referred to a pain clinic which will hopefully help, although I’m not sure exactly what to expect.