Mibrofyalgia

I haven’t written here for a while,  I’ve been feeling a lot better recently since getting acupuncture at the pain clinic, it seems to have brought me out of a very long flare.  Unfortunately I was only given 5 sessions of acupuncture (they informed me of this at the last session!) and the pain is slowly increasing again.  I’m enjoying feeling better though and have been quite busy.

At the end of March Mr McBlonde and I got an allotment after being on a waiting list for 2 1/2 years.  Mr McBlonde has been doing all the heavy work, digging mainly to clear the plot of a years worth of weeds.  I have been doing gentle planting and hoeing the places Mr McBlonde has dug.  We also inherited several giant Hogweeds so, much as I dislike weedkillers, got out the roundup and sprayed them because giant Hogweed sap can cause permanent scarring and photosensitivty. We’ve now only got a month to clear the allotment entirely before the next inspection, so wish us luck!

Over the last few months I have done a bit of painting but I’m giving it a rest just now.  I needed a break from it to let my inspiration come back (hopefully).  I’ve been thinking about it again over the last few days and I’m wondering whether to go in a different direction for a while, more expressionistic to see if I can loosen up a bit.  I get very bogged down mentally with whether it’s good enough or how awful I think it is, I’m basically too judgemental and very perfectionistic which stops me doing anything at all, not very useful.

Mood wise I’ve been feeling a litlle better, I’m relatively stable just now, slightly below par but mostly not too bad.

I’ve had the cold for a good few days now, it’s making the fibromyalgia much worse.  I’m aching more than usual and my temperature is all over the shop.  When I used to get the cold before I had fibro, it was an incovenience but now it floors me.

I’ve been doing some craft recently, needle felting, wire sculpture, sewing and mixed media sculpture.   It’s really good fun.  Unfortunately my fibromyalgia does not agree.  My neck keeps seizing and my hands are in pain.  Aaaargghhh.   So I’ve taken the approach of little and often.  It’s working out ok, a bit frustrating but ok.

I’ve been a Christian since I was a small child.  I have struggled with it at times, I have also found great happiness and peace from it.  Especially through the hard times.  Here are a few passages that I’ve just found.

“Whatever is peaceful, lovely and good, think on these things.” (Phil. 4:8-9).

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more
than all we ask or imagine, according to his power
that is at work within us, to him be glory in the
church and in Christ Jesus throughout all
generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Ephesians 3:20-21

I’ve been up, down and roundabout this week, I’m all over the place.  I’m not exactly sure why or what to do about it.  I’m trying to keep on an even keel but so far not so good.

Yesterday I was feeling good, maybe a little too good, today I’m down in the dumps, who knows what tomorrow will bring.

When I’ve been feeling good (mentally and physically) I’ve been doing a little bit of oil painting and playing my bass guitar and also visiting friends.  On the not so good days I really struggle to do much but at the same time I’m desperate to do something but I’m just too sore and tired, I’m finding it incredibly frustrating (hence I keep banging on about it).

I’ve been referred to a pain clinic which will hopefully help, although I’m not sure exactly what to expect.

Today I’m feeling much better, I’m not in nearly as much pain and I’ve got more energy, this means I’m in a much better mood

Today is the first day of my non-smoking regime.  I don’t feel prepared at all, but I’m not sure if it’s something you prepare for anyway, I think maybe you just get on with it?  I’m feeling ok just now but I’m sure the cravings will let themselves be known at some point.  I’m using nicotine gum and it seems ok, I’ve tried patches before but I always seem to come out in a really itchy rash within a few minutes and have to take it off again.  I’m not allowed any of the stop smoking medication because of all the medication I’m on at the moment.  I need to stock up on fruit and healthy snacks otherwise I’ll regain all the weight I’ve lost recently.  Anyway good luck to everybody else trying to quit just now and anyone thinking about it

Now in the midst of a fibro-flare I’ve become depressed and really bored.  I’m so sore and fatigued that there is very little I can actually do to entertain myself.  My mind is trapped in a body that won’t co-operate.  Even messing about on the computer, which is what I normally do when I’m too tired and sore, is something I can only do for short periods because it’s painful and I can’t concentrate.  I’m not feeling good at all.

Yesterday I was in a seriously bad mood.  I woke up feeling very sore and stiff all over so couldn’t do much so became bored to the point of being in a terrible mood, where everything seemed bleak and awful.  Luckily today I feel in a  much better mood and have had an ok day.  It’s quite scary to get into such a dark mood and think weirdly.

So to prevent such a grumpy day again I’m going to try and think up things to do when I’m too sore to do much, so that I can distract myself and keep my head busy.

Happy New Year!  Welcome 2010

I’m trying to be hopeful this year instead of glum and gloomy, I think it’s quite important not to have too many resolutions at once but I am going to attempt to quit smoking on the 7th as well.