Mibrofyalgia

I haven’t written here for a while,  I’ve been feeling a lot better recently since getting acupuncture at the pain clinic, it seems to have brought me out of a very long flare.  Unfortunately I was only given 5 sessions of acupuncture (they informed me of this at the last session!) and the pain is slowly increasing again.  I’m enjoying feeling better though and have been quite busy.

At the end of March Mr McBlonde and I got an allotment after being on a waiting list for 2 1/2 years.  Mr McBlonde has been doing all the heavy work, digging mainly to clear the plot of a years worth of weeds.  I have been doing gentle planting and hoeing the places Mr McBlonde has dug.  We also inherited several giant Hogweeds so, much as I dislike weedkillers, got out the roundup and sprayed them because giant Hogweed sap can cause permanent scarring and photosensitivty. We’ve now only got a month to clear the allotment entirely before the next inspection, so wish us luck!

Over the last few months I have done a bit of painting but I’m giving it a rest just now.  I needed a break from it to let my inspiration come back (hopefully).  I’ve been thinking about it again over the last few days and I’m wondering whether to go in a different direction for a while, more expressionistic to see if I can loosen up a bit.  I get very bogged down mentally with whether it’s good enough or how awful I think it is, I’m basically too judgemental and very perfectionistic which stops me doing anything at all, not very useful.

Mood wise I’ve been feeling a litlle better, I’m relatively stable just now, slightly below par but mostly not too bad.

I found a link to NHS Blog Doctor-Dr Crippen who has written on his blog and in the Guardian that he thinks Fibromyalgia  does not exist

“Oh! Dear. I just happened to mention in the Guardian today that I do not know what “fibromyalgia” is. They did not teach me about it at medical school. It is not a diagnosis I have ever made and, not knowing what the condition is, I shall not be making it in the future. Truth is, I rather doubt it exists at all.”  Dr Crippen

http://nhsblogdoc.blogspot.com/2010/03/fibromyalgia-whatever-that-is.html

I am incandescent with rage, how can a Doctor just make arbitary decisions like that, about something he admits himself he was not taught about (many years ago may I add) and hint that many Doctors have the same attitude as he does, and then get his ill-informed opinion published in a national newspaper.  I think the reason I’m so angry is that I’m in so much pain and my life is so limited and then some idiotic Dr says it doesn’t exist.  If I had any choice in the matter I would be living a normal happy life, going for long walks, working and enjoying my hobbies.  I can’t do this because I’m not able to and for some Dr to say it doesn’t exist then what is it then genius?  Is it your years of scientific research that have led you to this conclusion?  No you looked up the font of all rumour and speculation, wikipedia.  I’m trying really hard not to swear, I think I’ve done well so far……

I’ve been feeling more positive the last few days, I’ve been in less pain and able to get out and about a bit more.  I’m mostly over the cold now which lasted two weeks and made me feel pretty rotten.  I’ve been doing some painting and have visited some friends which was nice.

I’ve just woken up and been unable to get back to sleep so I got up only to discover it’s 4.30am, aarrgghhhh.  Luckily one of my cats is keeping me company   What a silly time of day to be up!

I am a 28 year old woman with Fibromyalgia syndrome and schizoaffective disorder (bipolar type).  These two illnesses have made life quite interesting (and sometimes hard).  Some people have not heard of either so I will try and explain a little bit about each one.  I am not a doctor though so this is only from my experience.

Fibromyalgia is a chronic but not life threatening illness which is characterized by widespread pain in the muscles, ligaments and tendons, fatigue, cognitive disfunction (memory problems, concentration problems and mixing up words etc) and a plethora of other symptoms.

Schizoaffective disorder is a mixture of Bipolar disorder (manic depression) and schizophrenic symptoms.  So mood swings from very depressed to euphoric and psychotic symptoms like delusions to hearing and seeing things that are not real.  I take medication for this and am relatively stable at the moment.  I see a psychiatrist every few months and a nurse every few weeks to make sure I’m keeping well.

Before I became unwell with Fibromyalgia 9 years ago I was training to become an illustrator.  I have continued to draw, paint and take photographs since that time and find it very cathartic (although it can sometimes be frustrating!).

I have been a christian since I was young and have found it to be of great comfort and hope.

This blog will include my musings on art, mental health and fibromyalgia.